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Contributed by Jesus McBuddhallama
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Monday, 14 May 2007 |
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Steve Ballmer announced today that he is the new king of earth, and that free software should be burned, "just like we do with banned books and naughty children." "Look... its like Rock, Paper, Scissors - Noone really knows -WHY- paper beats rock, they just know it does. That's what I'm trying to tell you.. we're paper. We win. Plus, I have several very large fishing boats, a fleet of porsches, and an army of midgets that clean my mansions. If i'm wrong about this, then how did I get to be so rich?" Ballmer is saying that Microsoft can lay claim to over 200 cases where technology patents cover techniques and implementations that exist in free software. The one thing he may not have thought of is... if it's free, GPL'd software, who can Microsoft sue to enforce the patents? Penniless programmers? Nice work baldy. The reasons for this completely inane announcement are fairly clear: - Microsoft knows that google's backend infrastructure is comprised of a significant portion of free software. They think they might have some level of injunction capability here.
- Steve Ballmer wants to prove to the public that he is more evil than Dick Cheney.
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 23 October 2008 )
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Written by The Secret Squid!
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Wednesday, 09 May 2007 |
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WASHINGTON--8 to 10 year olds across the nation have requested that the military start manufacturing body armor and other supplies now in preperation for their enlistment. "I'm only 10 years old," said 6th grader Billy Ford, "but in 8 short years I am going to join the marines." Ford and others want the Pentagon to be ready for him and his classmates when they are old enough for military service. "When I'm 18 and deployed to some middle east butthole I want to have the proper equipment to deal with IED's. By requesting our equipment now they should have a pretty good head start." Ford added. "They should start making artificial limbs for us too." chimed in 8 year old Cindy Myers. "I want one with pink pony stickers on it." |
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Last Updated ( Wednesday, 09 May 2007 )
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Contributed by Bob McPherson
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Sunday, 06 May 2007 |
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 GlaxoSmithKline announced today that it would be releasing new "start not-smoking" lozenges to Children. The move aims to solve the age old debacle about how smoking is unhealthy, and that the teen smoking problem has spun out of control.
"We agree with parents nationwide that smoking is inappropriate for youngsters, and we understand the associated health risks that it poses. Nicotine, however, is not the crux of the problem. It is merely the one ingredient in cigarettes which, by the way, is non-cancer causing. That said Our new 'Reach of Children (R)' nicotine lozenges present a unique solution that should appease both sides of the argument. Parents are able to prevent their children from smoking, and GlaxoSmithKline is able to sell an enormously addictive and potent breath mint to kids." |
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Last Updated ( Sunday, 06 May 2007 )
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