(editor's note: I have inserted a picture of the worst possible toilet ever in lieu of the graph we had before for those of you who simply don't understand graphs. And yes, people shit in this thing.) 

So i've spent a good portion of my life travelling the world, and as a result, I have met a lot of different types of people, seen a vast array of environments, and become what I believe to be a highly versatile, adaptable person. I've slept in grass and bamboo huts, luxury hotels, and hostels. I've eaten fine seafood, animal eyeballs, and something that I thought were noodles, but instead turned out to be intestines. That's cool... no problem. I've been in the middle of Patpong in Thailand (hooker district), and had a blast.

All that said - the one thing that will ruin your day is having to take a humongous crap, and having nowhere to take it. I was recently contemplating this while I was taking such a shit here in Colorado, where I now reside. I thought about all the places I had dumped, and what the relevant ratio of shitting urgency to convenience of shitting was.

The one, probably somewhat surprising result was that even though I had actually lived in San Francisco, purchased a home there, and had an office that we worked out of, it was by far and away the least convenient place to take a shit. I know, right? Major metropolis, city by the bay, yada yada. Kind of surprising.

No matter what district you're in - SOMA, Castro, Pacific Heights, Tenderloin, etc... there's always going to be some ridiculous problem finding a restroom. Subsequently, you'll have to deal with San Francisco's apparent anti-shitting policy that consists of intentionally not having toilet paper in the available restrooms that do exist. 

Look, I don't know about you, but being able to take a crap when I need to is a pretty huge deal. So much so that when looking to move back to California, I added "ease of taking a crap" to my list of criteria for moving. Based on those results, I have decided to move back to coastal San Diego. Worst case scenario - block traffic on 101 while I sprint from the car into 3 foot surf to relieve myself.

Beware Californian beach enthusiasts, that's not a brown trout.